Monday, May 30, 2011

Best Bath Ever!

Dear Field Diary,

Life among the Grownups is both Strange and Interesting. Here are my favorite Things:

Corn Chips
Strawberry Milk
Backrubs from the daddy

Which brings me to What Matters About This Weekend. I must be succeeding in Blending In and being accepted as part of the Tribe, because the daddy and mommy took me with them yesterday to a Grownup Place. It was the Biggest Bath I've Ever Seen. Grownups and other undercover Toddlers were splashing around, and I had a floating Frog to sit in and I splashed the water with my Hands and was so full of Giggles. It was the Best Bath Ever. I didn't want to ever leave; I could have stayed all day and all night. I kicked my feet in the Water and the Grownups clapped their hands and the mommy called it Swimming.

Also all the Grownups were full of Giggles, too. Finally, Something Grownups and us have in Common. It's about Time. I'm putting this in my official report to the Toddler Research Society.

Rule of Grownup Culture # 49:

Water makes Grownups happy, too.

Your faithful toddler anthropologist,

Baby River

Saturday, May 28, 2011

The Sorrow and Pain of the World

So. Yesterday was so so busy. First the mommy gave me a checkbook, and I was so so Excited because I know these are So Important in Grownup culture. Now I can make a Baby Budget. Also the checkbook is Blue and Edible.

I am learning as much as I can. There are kitties and we played Hide and Seek. I found one kittie in the litter box and Giggled because the kittie made a funny face. Their Ears are so so Soft and the kitties Squeak when you tug on them.

The Cabinets in the kitchen are where the Grownups keep Important Things. There are Cans, and boxes full of Nom Noms. There is also a Bottle of Cooking Oil, and the cap was Loose so I Poured it All Out, on my jammies. And I made a Swimming Pool on the linoleum. It was so Sticky. The Grownups ran around with Towels and started jumping everywhere like Grasshoppers. I haven't seen that before.

Soon my new Swimming Pool was all gone!

My Observation for Today. Rule of Grownup Culture # 21:

Grownups' favorite Word is no no no.

Later it was almost Bedtime and I Cried because of the Sorrow and Pain of the World and my Growing Realization that Life is Nothing But Pain and Suffering and no Nom-Noms. The mommy picked me up and cuddled me and the daddy fed me pizza.

When all my Sniffles were gone, they put me in my crib and I hugged my Seahorse and fell asleep.

Your sleepy toddler anthropologist,

Baby River

Thursday, May 26, 2011

How You Treat the Yellows is Important

So. I've been studying all the Colors in the House, and the Yummy one is Yellow. All day since naptime I've Explored the house, and I found all the Yellow things and put them Together. That's how Things belong when they are the Same Color. Together. The Grownups Don't Know This. Apparently.

I know I am supposed to be Observing Carefully so I can Report Back all the things I learn about the Grownups to the Toddler Research Society so that toddlers everywhere will know how to better Handle the Grownup Problem. I'm supposed to learn their Language and Blend In. But I just can't help it. The Grownups are so Disorganized and Messy that someone with a Rational Mind needs to Help Them.

So So Messy. Here are all the Yellows I Found. I Found a Yellow Candle on the kitchen Counter, and a Yellow Book on a Shelf, and a Yellow Bath Toy in a Bin. There was Even a Yellow Lid on the Table. There were Yellow things everywhere.

It took a Lot of Work and wore out all my Muscles, but I brought all the Yellow things together and put them on the floor by the CD player. It took so so long, but I Did It. The House is Fixed.

I know I am supposed to be Observing, but I have to Teach the Poor Grownups Something.

Rule of Grownup Culture # 43:

Grownups don't understand How Things Go Together.
They fling their Yellows everywhere.
This is why they look So So Tired.

Your exasperated toddler anthropologist,

Baby River

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The Grownups are So So Different

Dear Field Diary,

I think I am beginning to infiltrate the Grownups' culture, and they might - I hope I hope - be starting to accept me as One of Their Tribe. I got the daddy and the mommy to Chase Me around the house today. It was so so fun. I go very fast and the Grownups are so slow and Much Less Giggly but somehow they always catch up and tickle me! Also, I spent Lots of Time tapping my Belly with one hand, and got the daddy to imitate my movements. All this time I thought Teaching them my language would be Completely Hopeless, but today's Belly-Tapping would appear to be Evidence to the Contrary. I am Very Happy About It and I am going to go hug my Seahorse.

Anyway, here is my Observation for Today. Rule of Grownup Culture # 2:

Sometimes Grownups frown even when the world should be full of Giggles.

Your diligent toddler anthropologist,

Baby River