Saturday, June 11, 2011

How Grownups Get Close to God

My fellow Toddlers,

I've also made Other Discoveries and have been Late in making an Official Report about them because of my Recent Mopeyness. Here they Are:

First, we all Know that to Study Grownup Culture you have to wear a Diaper (I think the Grownups wear Theirs Under Their Clothes), but we also Know that the Diapers are Irritating and we would all Much Rather Be Naked. Today I Discovered that you can actually Take Off the Diaper. There are little Fasteners on the sides. I'm Serious. Not only that, but the Grownups will look Shocked and Giggle or Laugh, so it must be All Right. This is an Important Discovery and we need to Let all Toddlers Know as soon as Possible.

Second, the Grownups spend Lots and Lots of Time Fixing Things. Sometimes they Sing or Hum while they do, and they use special, ritual Metal Objects that you never see Any Other Time. I think it's Part of Their Religion.

Rule of Grownup Culture # 16:

Grownups Fix Broken Things when they want to Get Closer to God.

Anyway, what that Means is if your Snow Globe stops Making Music or if your baby toys run out of Batteries, you can take them to a Grownup and make a Cute Face and Have Them Fixed. And they Enjoy it. They bring the things Back and Watch while you play with them. This is an Important Discovery that we need to let the other Toddlers know, too.

Third, There Are Things in the World Called Swings. You can find them in the Big Green Places, and you can meet other Toddlers and Babies there, and share News of the World and talk about the Grownups, and the Grownups won't even Suspect. Also the Swings make you Lightheaded like the Whole World is Beautiful and Swinging Around with You. It's worth going just for That.

That's all for Tonight, because I need to go have more Yogurt and hug my Seahorse. Please share this Official Report with As Many Toddlers as Possible.

Your dutiful toddler anthropologist,

Baby River

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